Archive for Imaginary blog

Imaginary Good times blog (Forbidden Questions with Cristy Vermin)

Posted in Most Recent Posts with tags , , , , , , on October 9, 2008 by Benj
//pep.ph

Photo courtesy of http://pep.ph

Yes, folks, you read it right, this is my imaginary blog on the time that the serpent tongued Ms. Cristy Vermin (yeah, you all know who I’m talking about) guested on the Forbidden Questions segment of the Good times show with Mo Twister…

First the disclaimer, this is a work of fiction so if you’re planning to sue for libel, knock yourself out… Oh and yeah, this work is done without the endorsement of the Good times show nor my man Mo Twister…

By the way, the pictures are not related to this blog in anyway, they’re Halloween masks being sold on ebay for $2 each… That’s to cover the cost of the rubber bands used to fasten the masks to your mug… SCARY, huh?

Now that the legalese is out of the way, let’s imagine that Mo had outdone himself and managed to convince the Wicked Witch of the West to guest on the Good Times Show:

Forbidden Questions with Cristy Vermin

Mo: Welcome to the Garden of Eden… err to the Good times show, Cristy…

Cristy Vermin: Thank you, Mo… Alam mo, hindi naman totoo talaga yung mga pinag-sasabi ko sa iyo na pandak ka at walang “K”…

Mo: That’s okay, I know that you’re well known in the industry for being made of polyethylene…

Cristy Vermin: Hay naku, ayan ka na naman, ini-English mo na naman ako… Alam mo naman mahina ako sa Latin…

Mo looks at Mojo and winks… Mojo snickers in the background while Grace is silently flabbergasted…

Mo: You know how this works right?

Cristy Vermin: Ay oo naman, magtatanong ka tapos maghuhubad ako pag mali sagot ko, tama? Bra-less nga ako ngayon…

Mo: That’s a little too much information but that’s for Strip Tuesdays while today is a Wednesday so I’m damned glad we’re doing Forbidden Questions instead!

Cristy Vermin: Ay sayang, anyway, alam ko si Manay Lolit naka 40 dito di ba? Hmmmp, kailangan di ako magpatalbog sa tomboy na iyon!

Mo: Okay, let’s move along…

Mo: First question: What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done to a fan?

Cristy Vermin: Ay nung minsan, may nagpapa-autograph sa akin dyinombag ko talaga… Akalain mo ba namang i-correct yung spelling ko ng dedication ko sa kanya… “Deliciously yours, CRISTY VERMIN”… Anong akala niya di ako marunong mag-spell?

Mo: How did you spell “Deliciously”?

Cristy Vermin: Errr… D-e-l-i-c…. err… D-e-l-i-s… Ay hindi “LOVE LOTS” pala nilagay ko…

Mo: Okay, we’ll give you an extra point for that brilliant spelling effort… 🙂

Cristy Vermin: Thank you…

Mo: 2nd question: Have you ever cheated in a relationship?

Cristy Vermin: Nahihiya naman ako… Tanggalin ko na lang kaya blouse ko?

Mo: Never mind, I’ll give you 3 points just for keeping your top on…

Cristy Vermin: O sige na nga, aamin na ako… Nung kami pa ng teenage papa ko (secret ang name niya)… Naglasingan kami ni Jobert Sungalngaldito at may nangyari sa amin… Sorry Jobert!!!

Mo: Wow! really?

Mojo: But Jobert is gay, right?

Cristy Vermin: Yeah, but nung nalasing daw siya, napagkamalan niyang lalaki ako, huhu… Walanghiyang baklang yun…

Mo: Priceless!

Cristy Vermin: Uuuyyy, di naman ako nagpabayad…

Mo: Errr, what I meant was that… never mind… moving along…

Mo: Question number 3: Who’s the better reporter, you or Manay Lolit?

Cristy Vermin: Ay naku, tinatanong pa ba yan? Siyempre ako, noh! Ilan na ba ang libel cases ni Manay Lolit? Talong talo ko siya sa imagination at invention noh! Tsaka siya may ghost writer, ako ghost lover lang… Joke yun, tawa naman kayo…

Grace: “I love you Chiz Escudero” (just had to get in one speaking line for Grace)…

Mo: Question #4: Who do you have a lesbian crush on?

Cristy Vermin: Uyyy, ano ba namang tanong yan… Hindi ako bakla noh… Yung sa amin ni Jobert, fling lang yun… Sige na nga, siya… (points at Grace Lee)… Ang laki ng dibdib…

Grace instinctively covers her twins…

Mo: Laughing hysterically… Okay… How many points does she have, Mojo?

Mojo: By my count, 7 points, including the bonus for keeping her top on…

Mo: Question no. 5: Which is the better station ABS-CBN or GMA?

Cristy Vermin: No vrainer naman yang tanong mo… Siyempre ABS noh! Sila lang ang nagtiyaga sa akin… Yung GMA ayaw akong kunin, hmmmpp… Mas gusto nila yung tomboy na si Manay… Gusto pa naman kitang makatrabaho Mo… *winks at Mo*…

Uncomfortable silence…

Mo: Okay, let’s move this show along, chop chop…

Mo: Question #6: Have you ever had any plastic surgery done?

Cristy Vermin: Hindi naman counted ang BOTOX di ba? Hmmm…. atin atin, lang ha? Bagsak na kasi hanggang pusod kaya pinataas ko…

Mo: Again, too much information… but good answer… any surgeon in particular who performed the intervention?

Cristy Vermin: Naku hindi si Belo noh… Bruhang iyon, ni-reject ako… Extreme case na daw… hmmmp… Pero in fairness gwapo papa niya, ha…  Eh di pumunta ako kay ELLEN… Friends kami niyan eh…

Mo: Speaking of ELLEN, don’t you agree that her billboard is the worst one on EDSA?

Cristy Vermin: Hindi naman, tie lang sila nung kay Boy… Secret muna, pero may billboard din ako para kay ELLEN, ex-deal para sa retoke…

Mo: Can’t wait to see it so that we’ll have some more fun in the show! I’m sure our blogger Benj will have it up on our blog by the time it hits EDSA…

Cristy Vermin: Ano daw?

Mojo and Grace laughing in the background…

Mo: Question 8: Have you ever been intimate with something non-human?

Cristy Vermin: Uyyy, bastos mo ha… Counted ba si Jobert? Sige na nga YES!

Mo: Ohhh, I won’t even ask what you did… it’s probably too gross…

Mojo: She now has 10 points including the question about the billboard…

Mo: Cristy, now this is where it gets really hard…

Cristy Vermin: Ay naku yan ang gusto ko… hard…

Mojo: You and me both, hahahahah…

Cristy Vermin: Ano daw?

Mo: Question 9: When was the last time you pleasured yourself?

Cristy Vermin: Uuyyy, di ko ginagawa yan…… regularly… minsan lang… Sige na nga, sa kotse habang papunta dito sa station…

Mo: You mean, when you shook my hand earlier you had just finished doing it?

Cristy Vermin: Grabe ah… Nag-tissue naman ako… yun nga lang walang tubig sa kotse eh…

Mojo: HAHAHAHAHAHA…

Mo: Let’s take a break while I go to the bathroom to clean up…

———– Break —————— COLDPLAY music…

Mo: Okay, we’re back on the show with Forbidden Questions featuring the slimy, err…. Ms. Cristy Vermin…

[CANNED APPLAUSE]

Mo: Okay, while I was in the bathroom using plenty of LYSOL and Greencross alcohol, Mojo answered a call from MTRCB chairman LaGuardia warning us to stop this segment or we’ll be suspended again…

Mo: Much as I’m enjoying ostracizing our guest (don’t worry she doesn’t know what the word means), we’ll have to call a halt to this edition of Forbidden Questions with Cristy Vermin! Let’s give her some bonus points though for even showing up to the show and braving the questions…

Mojo: Okay, by my count, she got 12 points but let’s give her an extra 8 points to reach 20 points…

Cristy Vermin: Kakainis naman si Chairman, di pa nga ako nakaka-lips to lips kay Mo Twister hininto na… !#$!#!%@$^@$^@^$%^$@%^@$ naman talaga si Chairman…

Mo: Damned, we can’t have that kind of language on the show! [Turns off the Vermin’s mike]…

Mo: SECURITY!

And that my dear readers is what happened when the acid-tongued Cristy Vermin guested on the Good Times show for the Forbidden Questions segment…

Before I go, just a plug for my man Mo Twister’s new show on ANC, titled “IMO (In My Opinion)”… It will have its premiere telecast this coming Sunday on the ANC channel at 9PM…

Hope you liked my pretend blogs!

Great times!

Imaginary Good times blog (October 6, 2008)

Posted in Most Recent Posts with tags , , , , , , , on October 6, 2008 by Benj
//getmooh.com

Screencap of http://getmooh.com

Okay, since Mo and Grace will not be around for the week and there wouldn’t be a regular Good times show, I thought that it’d be a great idea if we could pretend that they’re around and I’ll blog about the show as if they were there…

Does that make sense? Hehe…

Ehem… and so on to the imaginary show’s highlights: 🙂

Boy wreaks havoc at Australian zoo

Mo normally starts the show for the kiddies who are listening to the show on their way to school and so he talked about a 7 year old boy who broke into an Australian outback zoo and fed a string of small animals to its resident saltwater crocodile.

Apparently, security camera footage at the Alice Springs Reptile Center showed the smiling youngster also bludgeoning to death a small blue tongue lizard and two more thorny devils during a half-hour of breakfast-time havoc last Wednesday. The parents were nowhere to be found during the kid’s playtime errr killtime…

Mojo and Grace were outraged at the action of the boy and blamed the parents… Apparently, the parents were busy making out in the zoo’s loo to notice that their kid was missing…

Miguel chimed in and said that the kid must’ve drunk too much Royal True Orange coz “nasobrahan sa kulit”…

Mo wondered if the kid was the offspring of Chuckie, the malevolent killer doll who married another killer doll in the movie “The bride of Chuckie”…

Non-virgin indicators

Mo asked the show’s listeners for some more non-virgin indicators aside from permanent tattoos, heavy smoking and thumb rings when Benj, the blog owner of the Good times with Mo wordpress blog, finally got through the phonelines of the show and chimed in his opinion that a sure indicator of non-virginity are piercings, you know, bellybutton piercings and tongue piercings…

I mean, come on, if you’re willing to get yourself pierced in those areas, you must have been pierced in other strategic areas already, right?

Mo agreed and thanked him for doing such a good job on the blog and allowed him to greet Khalesh, Marie, Chi and Carol on-air… hehehe (well, it is an imaginary blog, right?)

Get me out of here

Mo talked about this great website that he found after he came from his dog poo expedition in Eastwood, the site called “Get me out of here” or http://getmooh.com is perfect if you love playing pranks just like Mo Twister or if you just need to escape from a boring meeting or a blind date gone horribly wrong…

The site’s premise is that you enter your phone number (or the number of the person you’re punking), select a pre-recorded message, set the date and time you want the call to come through and voila!, the system gives you or your victim a call on the date and time specified…

You can select emergencies, funny calls or even scary calls for your intended victim… You can also preview the messages to select which one you’d like…

Happy pranking, hehe…

Nonoy the Menggoy

Nonoy the Menggoy, Magic 89.9’s resident version of Michael Buffer, had a sing off with one of my favorite blog readers, Khalesh, for the right to own a brand spanking new Magic Sing (Manny Pacquiao edition)…

Normally it was Mojo Jojo who represents the Good times show for these sing offs, but for some perverse reason, Mo chose Nonoy to carry the flag of the GTWM gang…

Mo impersonated Simon Cowell, Grace played ditzy Paula Abdul, while Mojo gave his version of a gay Randy Jackson… Miguel was at home as Ryan Seacrest…

After a series of gruelling (on the ears) renditions by Nonoy of Paul Potts’ classics such as “Nessun Dorma” and Freddie Aguilar’s Anak… my man Khalesh prevailed with a series of songs by Josh Groban sung with an Indian accent!

Way to go Khalesh… Let’s have some videoke sessions with your new Magic Sing, ok? 🙂

Congratulations!

Well, that’s the show for today, I hope you enjoyed it!

Till next time, I’m out of here…

Good times!